


Two boys with the same fear

by daddyjensen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Cutting, Death, Death Clock AU, Depression, Flashbacks, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyjensen/pseuds/daddyjensen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{{I saw a tumblr post with the death clock au}}</p><p> Everybody has a death clock placed on our wrists at birth. The clocks count down the days, minutes, even the seconds until you meet that special someone, Death. And there are people that say time stops just before you die, but if time stops then how do you know you can stop time? What even is death? Is there such thing as a 'reaper'?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Time for Death

    Everybody has a death clock placed on our wrists at birth. The clocks count down the days, minutes, even the seconds until you meet that special someone, Death. When he was eighteen the clock stopped at 00000d 00h 01s. He didn't want a broken clock on my wrist so he found that mint tin he buried in my bottom drawer in a locked box, took it to the bathroom and locked the door, leaning his body against the bathtub, hot tears roll down his face. Slowly opening the tin of sliver shining devils, the cold is chilling against his fingertips. His body is numb to everything but sadness. The edge of the blade pushing into his skin, trying to saw off the stopped clock. The skin torn in horizontal lines, tears are coming fast, gasping for air, sobbing into the bathtub, his blurred vision seeing blood smeared the inside of the white bathtub. He sucked in a breath as he gripped the blade tighter, vision clearing as he brought the blade back to his wrist pulling straight down his wrist. His was so numb he didn't hear the banging on the the door. Letting the blade slip from his fingers, black spots start to fill up his vision. The door flies open blinding him with light but the black spots consumed his vision before he could see who was there. He want to to meet him, Death.

 

Hospital machines ring in his ears. The rooms lights are blinding, a shadow covers his face.

"Castiel, can you hear me?" His red haired sister, Anna, hovers over him.

"Can you close the window shade, please." his voice dry, raspy. "And can you get me some water?" Anna got up quickly to complete Castiel's request. The doctor came in and told Anna that he was going to stay until he is deemed safe to be by himself. After Anna left the doctors sent in a therapist but Castiel didn't want to talk.

 

Night light peak through the window. Castiel was drawing in his sketch book and writing his journal. Time wasn't a thing Castiel was paying attention to but when he finally finished he realize is was three in the morning. The night volunteer nurse was doing his rounds want he stopped to check on Castiel.

"Wait!" Castiel call out to stop the man from leaving.

"Yes?" Castiel almost forgot what he wanted.

"Um... Is it a possibility that you could get me some ice chips, please." Castiel continued to stare at the man's emerald eyes. The slightly taller man turned to get Castiel's requests, he comes back with the cup of ice chips.

"I hate to be rude but," Castiel nods as spoons an ice chips in his mouth. "You're the guy who came in with the crazy red head sister?"

"I'm sure she was acting crazy." Castiel laughs.

"Did you get your bandage changed today?" Castiel shook his head as he spooned his another ice chip in his mouth. The man left then soon returned with a clean bandages. "My name is Dean, I'm the volunteer nurse." Dean slowly took off the bandage relieved Castiel saw up wrist. "Your clock won't work until your wrist is healed."

"It not liked it work anyways." Castiel mumbled. Dean finished wrapping up Castiel wrist. "You look to young to be a volunteer nurse."

"I know, my mom worked for the hospital and she gave me a two year youth internship." he looked down after he finished he sentence. "To bad I almost did't finish it because of her." he mumbled. Dean walked out of the room without another word. Castiel finished the ice chips when he came back with more tape.

"What did you mean about your mom?" Castiel ask. "I mean you don't have to tell me." Dean nodded but didn't say anything. He put one more piece of tape. Dean's finger tips grazed the back of Castiel's as he got up to leave but the heat of his touch was enough to keep Castiel up all night long.

 

The days seem to be longer and more tiring than the days that have pasted. When Castiel woke up a nurse came in to change his bandage then the therapist.

"Look Castiel, you have to talk to me because the longer that we don't talk the longer your in here." The woman said as she sat deep in the chair.

"Fine, what happen was a mistake." Castiel huffed. "And that's why I'm stuck here taking to you."

She inhaled before she said. "Okay, last question. Why?"

Castiel stay quite as he tried to get a somewhat sane thought before he spoke. "My mind was a wreck two days ago and it's clear now but I don't know what my mind set was."

Whatever Castiel said made her perk up and write something down. "Well, Castiel, I think one more day and you'll be out of this hell hole." She got up and left. Castiel was back to the drawing boards or just his sketch book. He started with the eyes, hopeless but happy, hair, styled. Sharp jaw line with stubble on it. Dean. His was drawing Dean. Sketch book pages filled up his face. A slow four part knocked on the door, the nurse walk in.

"It's late but you have a visitor." the nurse left. He walk in, the green eyed beauty.

"Y'know this place has visting hours," Castiel said. "how did you get in anyways?"

"I'm Dean winchester and I'm part staff, remember." smirking Dean walk over with his hands tucked in his pockets.

"I must have forgot." Castiel fails to clean up his drawings.

"I heard you're getting out."

"You make it sound like I'm in prison." Dean starts to help Castiel with the papers before noticing that they were of him but he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," Castiel stutter over and over until they were just became broken sounds.

"Are you going to become an artist?" Dean asked, walking over to the chair on the other side of the bed. " Because these's are really good." Waving the piece of paper toward Castiel's face.

"I was but." Castiel started. "But my family want me to follow "the family tradition"." Castiel says in a mocking voice making Dean chuckling to himself. "I don't think that you need to follow in your family foot steps. Just being your own person should be enough for them." Dean's eyes were locked on Castiel drawings. Castiel pulled at the edge of the blanket sitting on his lap.

"Yeah, your right." Dean picked up another one of Castiel's drawings, looking at it intensely.

"'Cas' ." Dean read off the paper. Cas blushed, pushing the papers into a pile. "I like it. This is weird but can you teach me to draw like this." He dragged his fingers along the page.

"Sure, once I get out of this hellhole." Cas nodded, putting his drawings into there folder. Dean placed the drawing in front of Cas. Dean stayed with Castiel talking away the night.

 

One nurse gave Castiel the discharge papers, signed them then Anna signed them. Castiel grabbed the bag of stuff Anna brought from home. He pulled on his pants and a clean button-down. Cas almost forgot his drawings, on top of the bedside table, the folder laid undisturbed. He turned around to be face to face with Dean.

"Hello, Dean. You scared me." Castiel huffed.

"Are you on your way out?" Cas nodded. "Well, I was just checking to see if you were still going to teach me to draw?" Cas nodded again. "I'll pick you up later."

"But you don't have my address." Cas hugged his drawings tighter.

"I can get it off the hospital forms." Dean's hands shoved in his pockets of his leather jacket.

"Castiel!" Anna yelled from the hall.

 

"I'm sorry but I have to go." Castiel stepped around Dean. Dean's hand glide across the back of Castiel's wrist. Cas heard Dean muter something under his breath. The drive home was tiring. Cas lazily carried himself up the stairs. He stop b the bathroom door, the door was locked and no one answered when Cas called out. He gave up and walked to his room, flopping down on his bed. Hour pasted before Cas rolled out of bed. Anna walk up the stairs meeting him half way in the hall.

"You should lay down." Anna pushed him back towards his room.

"STOP! ANNA!" Castiel shouted as he shifted away from Anna's grasp. The house got dead silent. A single knock filled the house. Cas walked down the stairs, shifting his long sleeves to cover the bandage. Dean was wearing his leather jacket, he was smiling so big it made Cas smile.

"Hey," Dean blushed.

"Hi," Cas smirked, stepping back. Dean walked in up to the staircase. Cas turned and jogged up the stairs gesturing Dean to follow. Second door on the right. The bed is center in the room with a desk to the left, complemented by off-white walls with a one black accent wall cover in posters, notes, and other stuff. Cas pulled out his desk chair so Dean can sit down. Cas pulled out his extra drawing stuff out from underneath his bed. Dean moved around to the bed, shifting the paper on his lap.

"What first?" Dean asks.

"What do you want to draw?" Cas looks up giving Dean two pencils. They want through a list of things before they settled on bodies; characters; Dean picking Batman, Cas picking The Joker to keep in theme. Cas shows him how to draw faces and hair.

"You're good at this." Castiel laughed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." Dean stops drawing and looks up.

"You're to good this to need lessons." Cas tilted his head. "So, Dean, what is this?"

"What do you want it to be?"

Cas shrugged "Well, what do you want it to be?"

"Well played, but I think we want the same thing." Dean finished shading Batman's cape. Cas finished colouring The Joker's mouth. They put away all of the drawing stuff, bumping hands every so often. Cas walked Dean down the stairs, standing at the front door with the moon rising behind them.

"Too bad I couldn't stay longer." Dean leaned over Castiel, placed one lonely kiss on his cheek. Dean turned and jogged his car before Castiel could say 'goodbye'. Cas ran up the stairs, sinking against the door, blushing hard into his hands. Cas got up crawling into his bed and see two un-turn pieces of paper, Cas flipped them over and seeing Batman and The Joker. He looked closer where Dean signed his phone number under it. Cas moved the papers to the nightstand, turning off the lamp.

Laying awake in bed thinking of Dean Winchester; the way he looks up through his eyelashes when he thinks your not looking, or when he bumped Castiel's hand on purpose. Everything about him gave Castiel butterflies. Those butterflies keep him up with the thought of a maybe there could be something.

 

Two days pass before Cas calls him but theres a moment of hesitation, with his finger over the call button quickly canceling the call. Instead of calling he texts him

Castiel: 'hey its castiel, if you want we could work on faces this time' An hour-or so- later Dean texts back but Cas doesn't to seem super needy so he waits, only five minutes but still he waits.

 

Dean: 'sounds great, when and what time'

Castiel: 'im free to night or saturday' Cas' phone chimes less then thirty seconds after he sent it.

Dean: 'tonight is good for me,'

Castiel: '7:00 then, place?' Cas turns of his screen then the screen lights up again.

Dean: 'i'll pick you up, see you then'

 

The thought off this might be a date made Castiel's hands shake. He got five minutes to 6:45, fixing his hair over and over again until his phone rings. Dean Winchester

 

Dean Winchester.

 

"Hello?" Cas said nervously.

"Hello, Cas? It's Dean." Dean sucked in a sharp breath as Cas made 'mmhm' noises as Dean continued to talk. "Sam, my little brother, he's um... in the hospital and..." Dean's voice is cracking, Cas can heard Dean sob away from the phone. "and he's um..."

"Dean's it's okay, you don't have to tell me. I understand that whatever is that we're going to do tonight doesn't matter now. Okay?" Cas said it like maybe the drawing thing could have been a date. He sits on his bed, taking off his button down. Dean breathing slows as he listens to Cas breathe. "Y'know you didn't have to call me."

"What did you want me to do, just text you and say 'hey, sorry are date is off'." Cas' mouth is left open when his says 'are date', does his really mean it.

"Well, now if you didn't call it would just seem rude." Castiel chuckled as he is laying shirtless in his bed.

"I have to go the doctor is coming." Cas hears Dean's smile fade. "Goodbye, Castiel." He pressed the 'end call' button. Grabbing the t-shirt off the trunk at the foot of his bed, letting the cool shirt glide over his back. Laying back, smiling like an idiot. There was a knock on the other side of the door. Anna walked in closing the door behind her.

"I thought you were go out." The mess didn't bother Anna but trying to navigate through it was the problem. She sat on the edge of the bed.

"I was but-" Cas' smile faded quickly. "It was a family thing." Anna soon left because the awkward silence became to much. Cas got out his computer looking up art colleges, he wrote his college application essay, sent it. He kept staring at the Batman drawing sitting on his desk. Cas pulls out his phone, looking at their texts. The blinking line was staring him in the face. "It's late he won't be up." Cas muttered. "But it might be a surprise in the morning." Cas looked down, moving his thumbs around the keyboard but doesn't press any keys.

Castiel: ' _h_ _ey, i wanted to say thank you for the push that you gave me to try to get into an art school and i wanted to see how your brother is doing'_  Cas didn't send this-not yet. What harm could this do, _  
_

After twenty minutes past Castiel's phone screen lit up. Dean Winchester.

Dean: ' _i dont know what I did but youre welcome, cas'  
_

Castiel: ' _its what you said at the hospital about being an artist'_

Cas walked over to his CD player, clicking the play button.

' _The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling,  
 _ _way down in the valley tonight._

_There's a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye,  
and a blade shining oh so bright._

  
There's evil in the air and there's thunder in sky,  
and A killer's on the bloodshot streets.

  
Oh and down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising,  
Oh I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter,  
He was starting to foam in the heat.'

Cas hummed along to the music until he drifted off to sleep.

 

Days pasts, weeks pasts, almost a month pasts before a letter came. Cas rushes down the stairs, ripping the mail out of mailslot. The rest of the mail flew around Castiel's feet as he ran up the stairs, slamming the door. The first line of the letter read ' _Congratulation, Castiel Novak you've been accepted into our art program.'_ He ran around the house until Anna and his brother, Gabriel, in the same room. He wave the letter in their faces unable to speak.

"Congratulation!" Anna grinned from ear to ear, hugging Castiel. It was Gabe turn next.

 

"We're going to miss you." Gabriel hugged him tighter.

"We'll go out to dinner for tonight." Anna laughed and Gabriel cheered, running up stairs. "When are you leaving?" 

"There's a opening next month." Cas started towards the stairs. Anna grabbed Castiel arm pulling him in the kitchen. He sat down as Anna pull the first aid kit, cutting off the bandage off his wrist to replace it. A clean bandage being wrapped around the broken clock. 

"It's healing faster than I thought. It-" 

"Can we not." Cas cut off Anna. She nodded, finishing the wrapping his wrist.  "I'm going to get an apartment near campus."

"Have you found an apartment?"

"No but I've been looking." As soon as Cas was at the top of the stairs Gabriel pulled him into his room. " What was that for?"

"You're leaving," Gabriel looked up with a small smile on his face.

"Yeah but not yet."

"When you leave can I have your room." His small smile grew into a grin.

"We'll see." Cas ruffles his hair and turns to walk out. Cas fell back into the his bed. The vibrating in his pocket went unnoticed but the ringing didn't. Cas clicked without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello," Cas sat up moving to the head of the bed.

"Hey," It just a second to know who this was.

"Dean, what going on."

"Nothing, but I want to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Well one; we haven't talked in forever, and two; I owe you a date." Cas smiled.

"Okay, When?"  

"Tomorrow, I would do it tonight but I have to work."

"Sounds good, how is your brother."

"Better. I love to talk longer but I have to go."

"Okay, I might text you later."

"You might. You might? You might!" Dean chuckled.

"Yeah I might. Goodbye, Dean."

"Goodbye, Cas." Cas hung up. He spent the rest of the day looking at housing at the college. There was a small apartment near the campus, reasonably priced. It has one bedroom, and one full bathroom.  He walk down to Anna's room. 

"Anna?" He knocked. "Anna?" He knocked again this time harder. She opened the door in a nice dress. " Where are you going?"

" _We_ are going out to dinner."

"Oh yeah that-Can I ask you something?" Cas shifted from foot to foot. Anna nodded her head. "There's an apartment and there is a opening, so I was thinking that l could move in a few weeks."

"That's great! Call them, later. Go get ready, dress nice." She shoved Cas towards his room. Cas changed into a white dress shirt, nice slacks, freshly cleaned dress shoes. Laying out his trench coat. Cas turned on his CD player, jamming to the music.

_'(I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun,_  
_An angel with a shotgun, shotgun, shotgun..)_

_Get out your guns, battle's begun,_  
_are you a saint, or a sinner?_  
_If love's a fight, then I shall die,_  
_with my heart on a trigger._

_They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_  
_if love is what you need, a soldier I will be._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_  
_fighting 'til the war's won,_  
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._  
_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._  
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_  
_..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight._

_Sometimes to win, you've got to sin,_  
_don't mean I'm not a believer._  
_..and major Tom, will sing along._  
_Yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer._

_They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_  
_if love is what you need, a soldier I will be._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_  
_fighting 'til the war's won,_  
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._  
_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._  
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_  
_..and I, wanna live, not just survive, tonight._

_ooooohhhhhhhh, ooooooohhhhh whoa whoa oooh whoa_

_I'm an angel with a shotgun.._  
_fighting 'til the war's won._  
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back.._

_I'm an angel with a shotgun,_  
_fighting til' the war's won,_  
_I don't care if heaven won't take me back._  
_I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe._  
_Don't you know you're everything I have?_  
_(I'm an angel with a shotgun)_  
_..and I, want to live, not just survive, tonight._  
_(Live, not just survive)_

_..and I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight._

_They say before you start a war,_  
_you better know what you're fighting for._  
_Well baby, you are all that I adore,_  
_if love is what you need, a soldier I will be.'_

After the song was over and Castiel stopped dancing, he grabbed his cologne, spraying a little bit on his chest. Songs played through as Cas finish what he was doing on the computer. He wrote down the phone number to the apartment complex leaving it on his nightstand. Cas was call down to get in the car, at dinner he told Gabriel that he was moving out and that he could have Cas' room. Gabe was happy that he could have Cas' room but sadden that Castiel wouldn't be living with them anymore. 

Dean called later that night, he left a voicemail "Hey, Cas, I just wanted to call... I don't know why I called but if you're still up you can call if you want to talk-God this... this is voicemail getting way too long-I'm just rambling now. Okay, talk to you later, Castiel." the voice mail made Castiel blush, it was half past ten when Cas called his back. 

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas," Cas could tell Dean was smiling. "sorry 'bout the voice mail."

"No! No, I thought it was cute." Cas felt the heat rising in his face. 

"So... Are we going out tomorrow?" 

"Wouldn't miss for the world." Cas just mentally kicked himself for sound so desperate. 

"Good because it's going to be out of this world." Dean chuckled at his own joke, it made the smile on Cas' grow larger."Don't wear anything . . . you don't want to ruined.  There was a long time where no one was talking but the silence was calming, just listening to him breathing made Cas smile. Soon after Dean had go. Cas laid in bed thinking about Dean until he looked at the clock and realized it was past one thirty, drifting into the oblivion of Dean Winchester.


	2. Time for Dean Winchester

Most of the day passes before Cas notices it's twenty minutes to seven. He ran up the stairs, throwing his clothes around his room until he found a torn up t-shirt and faded jeans. He grabbed his trench coat off the back of the closet door. Two sprays of his cologne, then ran down stairs when he heard the front door bell. Cas whip the door open, the horror in Dean's eye made Cas' whole body relaxed. Dean took Cas' hand in his own, walking to the passenger side of the black car, he slid in next to Dean. Dean turned over the engine, driving away from Castiel's house.

The drive took longer than Cas thought, the radio played soft rock music. Hands clamped together, Cas nodded along to the song playing as Dean hummed. A long gravel driveway to a warehouse. "My uncle own this place."

"Not to be rude but you took me to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Murder?" Cas look at him with a huge smile on his face. Dean rolled his eye and turned off the engine, Cas could see the smile on his face. The sun was setting behind the the building. The floors covered in canvas material, bucket of paint by the door. Dean took off his jacket, shoes and socks gesturing Cas to do the same. Once the paint was poured, hand and foot prints covered most of the canvas, it soon became a paint war. Cas grabbed a handful of paint, throwing it at Dean, Dean spun on his heals picking up Cas to lay in him in the collected puddle of paint by the buckets. Castiel laughed and screamed, flipping Dean onto his back, leaning closer to kiss him, Dean's lips closed around Castiel's bottom, their tongue swirled together. When they parted Cas rested his forehead on Dean's, both of their faces and bodies covered in paint. Dean looked at the clock on the wall.

"Shit." Dean muttered. "It's getting late."

"What time is it?" Cas placed a kiss on his nose. "I have all night, Dean Winchester. All night." Fingers tracing his lips, biting his.

"Alright but lets clean up first, okay?" Castiel nods, sliding off Dean. By time most of the paint was off their skin, the paint on their clothes was dry. "Come on,"

"Where are we going?" 

"Tell you on the way. . . Maybe not." Dean smirked.

In the car Dean didn't say a word, the car ride okay took about twenty three minutes to an open field with lake beside a cabin. When they walked in Dean explained that this place is he's uncle's, but when Dean called it a 'safe house' made Cas worry. "Can we go swimming?" Cas asked nervously, Dean pinned Cas against the the door. He kissed him harshly pausing to pull off Cas' damp painted shirt, whispering against Cas lips. "Okay." Dean placed Cas' hands by his hips, hinting at him to take his pants off. Cas watched as Dean race out the door, pulling off his clothes, leaving his boxers on. Castiel follow, leaving his boxers on also. Cas sits on the wooden platform, dangling his feet in the water. Dean's hands wrap around Cas' hips pulling him onto Dean's chest.

Their bodies are warmed together in the cold water, their lips hot on each others. Cas pressed against Dean, rolling his hips. "Let's go to bed." Dean mumbled against Cas' lips. The cold air hit them as soon as they out of the water, warm air flooded them when Dean opened the door to the cabin. Kisses were slow, bodies were wet, minds were flooded with incoherent thoughts of each other naked bodies, clothes on the floor. Dean moved his hand to the small of Cas' back, Dean lead Cas toward the bedroom, hand sliding down Cas' abdomen into his boxers, stroking his hard cock, sucking on his neck. Moving to lay on Dean's bed, Dean quickly grabs the lube and condom from the bedside table. He lubes up one finger, slowly pushing it into Cas' hole, moving it in and out until he could push a second one in then a third, Cas grinds down, moving Dean's finger to hit his prostate. Dean rubs it harder, his back starts to arch as Dean slid his fingers out to put on the condom, Cas squirmed from the lost of the feeling of Dean.  Castiel grabs a fist full of the sheets as Dean pushed his hard length into Cas. Cas' breathing faltered as Dean begun to fall into a rhythm, fingers bruising Cas' hipbones.

The best feeling Cas' felt was when Dean body was pressed against his ass, the feeling of the front of Dean's thighs pressed firmly against the back of Cas', the feeling of Dean's cock all the way inside him or the feeling of his ball slapping Cas' thigh. Cas' fingers white from clinging to the sheets, fucking back as Dean thrusting deep into him. Dean nipped and sucked leaving marks down his back, one of Dean's hands slides to the front of Castiel's thigh, but Castiel is blinded by the heat building in his stomach until Dean's long cool fingers wrapped around the base of Castiel's cock, and started pumping in time with his thrusts. Dean continued, watching the way every touch made Cas' legs shake. Cas' head dropped as he came, Dean coming soon after. Dean laid next to him. 

"Fuck, that was.. um.. _something_." Bodies pressed against one another. 

"Something is an understatement." Cas breathes out, both drifting into sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll try to update next week maybe later, writer's block is whats slowing me down :( //m'kay bye 
> 
> (sorry for any grammar mistakes)


	3. Time for silence

Then the nightmares start, the tossing and turning, the sweating, the crying for help but not being able to scream for help.

_Small dark room, shadows surrounding him, then the whispers start._

_"you're a piece of shit."_

_"kill yourself."_

_"disgrace."_

_"faggot."_

_All of these shadows had a voice that he's hear before. When the whispers stop was worst than if they continued. Silence flooded Castiel, the thoughts run laps in his mind. The shadows close in, the footsteps sound familiar, old work boots. The sound of a belt filled the room. All of the shadows standing over him while the largest one's claws sunk into his rib cage, ripping until the shadow see his heart, pulling it out, biting it in half to spit it out again, stomping on it, spiting on his bloody body._

_His opens his eyes, sitting in the middle of the room, no door. Just four walls and no way out. Boots stomping, belt snapping, a child screaming. then the feeling of the flames on his skin from the lighter that his step father kept near him at all times. Lying on the floor, blood everywhere, burns all over his arms, chest, back. Back in his old broom closet of a room rocking back and_ _forth, staring at the door for him to come back._

He jolted awake, screaming, Dean's arms wrapped around Cas' body. Numb and sweaty tears slip down his cheeks without a sound. Dean hushing him, trying to get his breathing regular again. He lays there not moving just crying, there no sound in the room besides Dean's hushing, hours of this until the sun light starts to peek over the treeline.

The morning was the hardest to face Dean, Cas felt embarrassed about what happen last night. But when Cas walked into the kitchen Dean was making breakfast, strawberry pancakes, bacon, sausage, cut up fruit.

"Hey, hope your hungry." Dean smirked.

Cas pull on the sleeves of the sweater that Dean put on him last night, shifting his weight.  "My favorite." He's smile was small, weak almost but it grew when he reached across the island, stealing a piece of bacon. Dean puts the last of the pancakes on a plate and turned off the burners. Dean walked behind Castiel, wrapping his arms around Cas' waist, kissing and sucking on his neck. Dean pulls away, grabbing the plate, placing one in front of Cas. 

"Is it okay if I ask you something?" Dean peered up from his plate, picking at the food on his plate.

"I-I guess." Cas never looking up his plate.

"Last night, the screaming." Dean sigh. "It's just that um-never mind. It was nothing."

Castiel laughed. "NO! It's not nothing. You want to say it, SAY IT!" Dean sat silence, staring at Cas. "That's what I thought." He left going into the bedroom grabbing the rest of his clothes. When Castiel turned around to Dean standing behind him.

"Nightmares, Sam, my little brother, he got them really bad and if he woke up our Dad well-" Dean stopped numbly.

"I get it, I really do. I just hate trying to explained something to someone new." Cas put on his jeans, the faint smell of paint filled his nose then the memory of yesterday filled his mind, everything from the painting to the sex. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel. 

"Let's finish breakfast." Dean placed a kiss into his hairline, rubbing his back as they walk out the door and back into the kitchen. The memories of Castiel's nightmare fades when he's around Dean. All the cute thing he does like the lip bite when Castiel does something weird or clumsy. 

Dean pulls up to Castiel house, sitting there waiting for Castiel to get out. "Can you come around this Sunday?" Castiel leans a little closer to him. 

"Yeah, what time?" 

"I'll text you what time." Dean closes the space between them, sliding his tongue across Castiel's lower lip, quickly gaining access to his mouth. Parting when Castiel hears the familiar slam from the front door, Gabriel comes running down, knocking on Castiel's window. Dean and Castiel try recover quickly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

"Hey," Castiel tries to sound normal, failing miserably.

"Anna is pissed of-"

"Hey! No swearing." Castiel cuts in.

"Well, she is." Castiel sighed after a long moment. 

Castiel let his eyes drifted from Dean back to the front door. 

"Alright..." After Castiel got out of the car he nodded towards Dean to thank him somehow.

"CASTIEL! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" Castiel ran up the front steps and slammed the door. "Dr. Morison  called she said you haven't been going to your weekly sessions."  

"I'm sorry," Castiel tugged his sweater sleeves down over his hands. "I-I-"

"This time 'sorry' isn't good enough." Hands perched on his hips. "Go upstairs, I can't do this right now." Castiel huffed a laugh, eyes firm on her's. 

 "And it's my fault that I'm broken," Her hands fall limp, face hardened.

"I said I didn't want to deal with this right now." 

"You always push it off until _you're_ ready but when I'm ready it's gonna to be to late, what are you going to say then?" His voice shook as he rose it. "I know I'm broken." Tears threaten to spill. "You don't have to live like this but I do." She was crying now, he didn't care. Castiel calmly walked up the stairs it to his room. The sheet were cold but not as cold as how he felt, his eyes fluttered shut. ' _until tomorrow.'_ he said to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> want to talk more?  
> follow me on tumblr  
> or  
> reach out in the comments 
> 
> its almost 2:30 rn so ill try updating sooner this time lol T-T  
> p.s. im really sorry about not undting sooner
> 
> if any even reads this i'll update when i can :) m'kay later babes


	4. Time for the ghost of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~!!!!~TRIGGER WARNINGS~!!!!~  
> flashback, abuses, mentions of cutting and blades, triggers

He knew this day would come, he just wished it wasn't to today. Boxes packed and stacked by the front door, waiting for Dean was hard only because Anna and try to say something but then she would just walk away with a discussed and disappointed look on her face. When Dean pulled up she did the crossed-arms-and-pouty-face. last box packed up in the car and then she grabs Castiel's arm and says.

"Please, just-" her head dropped into her hands. "Come back tonight for dinner?" Castiel wasn't going to say yes, he didn't want to, at lease. "For Gabe. Do it for Gabe, please."

Castiel was in defeat when she use Gabriel as a pawn, a guilt card. "Maybe." Castiel could feel the anxiety crawling it's way up he's throat. Once he was in the car and driving away from that house, from that nightmare, from that life he didn't want to live. Dean looked over at Castiel, he sees him shaking, fear flashes through his eyes just for a moment. 

"Cas?" leadfoot on the brakes. "Cas!" this time more frightened. Castiel nodded slowly, trying to fine any words.

"Yeah." his breathing rate becomes normal. "I'm good. I just- I don't know it's like i can finally breath for the first time."

"Alright," Dean continued to drive. His hand resting on Castiel's thigh. "Cas, it would be helpful if i knew where i was going."

"Um, well," Castiel huffed out something like a sigh. "I-I guess-well I-" he paused then tried again. "I have a number for an apartment but I guess i never called.." his words faded, so did the weight of Dean's hand. Dean pull into a parking lot, turned off the Impala.

The number was in his phone and his was sure there were open apartments but he never called to confirm. Castiel's head has been hung for most of the car ride.

"Cas," he looked up, looking past his eyes instead. "Do you have the number?" Castiel looked at his lap, pulling out his phone and handing it off to Dean. Dan was probably looking through all of his contacts, which only consist of Anna, Dean, Gabe,  suicide hotline label as 'Walmart helpline', and pizza hut. It won't be that hard to find it. Castiel heard only one side of the conversion.

"Hello," Dean hand squeezed his hand "yeah, I'm calling to find out if there's-" Dean stopped making Castiel hands start to sweat. "Yeah, okay. When would be the next one then." Dean's thumb grazes over Castiel's knuckles over and over again. "Right. Right, okay. Thank you." Dean was sad Castiel saw it but he hid pain really well.

"Well," Castiel bit the inside of his lip too hard, blood started to pool in his mouth.

"Yeah, um there an open one. They just said to call them so you can talk to business manager so you can get paperwork filled out." Castiel's hand is now cold from the lost of Dean's hand. 

"Right, yeah, okay. Got it." he didn't want to get it he wanted to be with Dean longer. He wanted more of him, he wanted all of him. 

Dean pulled out of the parking lot, both hands on the steering wheel. Castiel hung his head again picking at his nails.

"But," This made gave him pain that stabbed through chest. "You have to come tomorrow so they can finish cleaning out the apartment." Castiel's heart beating becomes normal once again. Panic settle in his chest once the engine roared to a start and took off to the. Where was he going to sleep tonight? He didn't want to go crawling back to that hell of a home. He didn't want to ask if he could stay with Dean, he didn't want to seem pushy. 

"Cas, are you thinking about?" Dean squezzed his thigh. 

"I..I..it's just I don't have anywhere to go." He put his head down. " And... l..l... just... l don't know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry and it's okay, l've got it covered." His thumb moved clockwise. 

* * *

Dean pulled onto that gravel road, making Castiel jump with familiarty, that cabin, the date. Everything from that night. That date, Castiel's first date, ever. HIs heart races, somethig  dark pools inside him untill Dean break his train of thought. 

"Do you have an overnight bag?" Dean says in a soft tone, when he turns off the Impala.

"Yeah," Catiel's voice cracks, he doesn't hide it either.

Castiel grabs his backpack, pull it over the back of the front seat, out the door. Staring at the sunset over the cabin next to the lake, not know that he is frozen still, Dean takes his hand pulling him towards the little house. The smaller man starts shaking his head, he remembers the dinner. "It's getting late I  _have_  to go, I don't want to get in trouble, I don't want to get hurt. Not like last time, not like late time, not like last time, not like last time."Castiel mumbles ' _not like last time_ ' over and over, sinking down on the front step.

_"Not like last time," his step father said, snapping the belt next to him, balled up in a corner. Rulling his arm back ready to hit him when Gabe walks in, he is not supposed to be here. He was sleeping over at a firends house until tomorrow._

_"Al..Oh; my; God" Gabes voice cracked, dropping his bags. Castiel didn't know what his was going to do next, maybe run or fight for Castiel. Gabe didn't do anything, his 'Dad' dropped the belt, running up to Gabe picking him up and asking him how was the sleep over. Sitting on the couch, sitting Gabe on his knee, acting like he didn't see him about to hit Castiel. Castiel escacped, running up to his room, fanially there he shoved  chair under the door knob._

_Blood, so much blood. Red liquid seeping through his shirt. His stomach spilt, its not deep, there's just so many, small long cuts from the leather of the belt. The buckle, the buckle ripping chunks of skin. That blue little tin box that would one day hold his blades but right now they hold a small sewing needle and a dwindling spool of thread. Dazed_ _and_ _confused with shakey and black spots in his vison, he tied the the last stitch off._

_Before a quite three part knock, he got up putting the bloody t-shirt in a plastic bag with the rest, moving that heavy wooden chair. Gabe walked in sitting before the bed, he stared at his hands, Castiel didn't ask why until he saw red, light dots dancing across his hands. Before Castiel asked, Gabe started talking._

_"Don't worry he won't get mad. I cleaned it up." He pulled outa little baggie. "I thought you may needed this."  baggie held gauze pads, small roll of tape and antibiotic ointment. Castiel took it from Gabe before left the room. Covering the wound with gauze hurt like a bitch but after the oint ment and the tape was stuck down, it was fine as long as his breathing was shallow and he didn't move. Castiel closed his eye, wishing he would die in his sleep._

Dean eyes were on brink of spilling over, Castiel's grip was weak until he saw what was right in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." He was mumbling 'sorry' over and over again, Dean held him, tell that he was okay and safe. After a good twenty minutes Dean managed to get him in the cabin and calmed.

"Hey, hey, are you alright?" Dean continued  to rub Castiel's back.

"Yeah, but I want to see Gabe," Castiel whispered into Dean's shirt. 

"Okay, when does it end?"

"I don't know," he pulls away from Dean, moving so they are facing each other. 

"We can stay for about half an hour, sound good?" They got ready and drove to the house. 

When they arrived to the house Dean knew that Castiel was going to have a panic attack soon but he didn't. They knocked and waited for someone to open the door, it was Gabe. The mood in the house was light but when Castiel and Dean walked in the space became sticky like the humidity on a summer day, THat feelong that everything is to tight and you can't breath. Castiel watched Dean freeze after seeing his ' _Dad_ '.

"Mr-," Dean's words almost faltered. Castiel didn't him as his was being dragged off by Gabe, Dean soon followed. After about twenty minutes, Dean got Castiel ready to go home, Gabe walked them to their car. Castiel fell asleep almost immediately.

"Take care, Gabe." Dean walked around to the other side of the car.

"You too, and take care of him." Gabe walked off before Dean could say anything. Dean started the car and headed back home.

"How did you know him?" Castiel clearly wasn't sleeping after he hear the roar of the Impala. Dean sped up the car, ignoring  the question. They got back to the cabin in half the time because Dean never let off the gas peadle. " Dean, How did you know him!" Castiel started to rise his voice. 

"I was hired!" Dean shouted, leaving Castiel speechless. "Okay, I was hired to kill you late last year and l got a job at the hospital becuse l knew that you were going to end up there and then l was going to kill you." Dean's voice was braking. "But l fell in love with you, l was going to kill you that night we had sex but l-l couldn't."

"Right, right. And l'm just supposed to say 'Okay, l love you anyways'?" Castiel's head dropped into his hands. Dean gaspped louder then intened.

"Y-You love m-me?" There it was Castiel couldn't turn down, he had so much on his mind right now his just couldn't lie. Tears ran down his cheeks as he confessed his love for Dean. Both of them were crying as they stood outside of the front of the small building. Finially inside Dean told him how he was confronted by his stepdad. "He wanted me to call him everyday for a week then every other day for a week then every two day but this stopped for about a month into searching for you, l dont know the reason why it stopped but then he just wanted a update every mouth. And when l found you he wanted pictures, the closer the more money l'd get then i was going to kill you when you when you were in  the hospital but l realised that it's a hospital could save you, then we made the date and l couldn't kill you yet. l didn't have-" Dean took a moment to breath then he continued. "the drugs. l knew you wanted to die so l just though that maybe you would take it and overdose that way l would get arrested for your murder." Castiel was taken back by all of this information but didn't say anything, he just took Dean's hand and went to bed.


	5. Time for an appology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to tie everything up in this chapter because i kind of want this to be the last one and maybe i'll write the same story from dean's pov, i know there isn't much with this story and im sorry it sucks shit so read this and tell me how bad/okay the whole story is...... okay bye

Castiel couldn't sleep so he walk around the safe house, running his fingers over the bookshelves or along the wall as he continued through from room to room. The sky was oddly bright even though it was moonless night, the quiet pitter patter of feet sneaking up on him. He wanted to shrink into himself but insted he took a deep breath and turned his head to the noise, its was Dean, reluctantly Castiel relaxed into his arms. Dean's breathing was off, too fast or too slow but somehow together.

"l want to tell you that l couldn't kill you, not after l saw you walk out of the old, decaying builing with paint splatter on your clothes and in your hair,Cas, your smile was a bright as the purple that covered your cheek and down your neck. When l watched you nimbly unbutton your shirt and that's _the moment_ l knew l didn't want to hurt you." Dean's head rested on Castiel's shoulder. He turned Castiel around. "But, that's not the only thing, you're the only other person l've had sex with anyone since-" Dean choked. Castiel cupped his face, pulling their foreheads together. "Since l was raped, a-and that's how your brother knew me because-" Tears slip down Dean's nose, Castiel wipped it away. He kissed Dean's cheek, Dean sucked in a sharp breath "I was a prostitute because my watch stop too, I felt that life wasn't going to end so I wasted it and your Alastair's subbmisive came in requested somebody younger looking and that was me. When he pick me up because he wanted to do a fantasy play at his house and l was fine with this until he made me strip, blindfolded and gagged me, tying my hand. I didn't want to do it but I physically couldn't stop him." Castiel started cying because he still remembered the way the duck tape used to rub his skin raw because Alstair would use him and leave him like that for hours after he was done, when Gabriel wasn't with him but nothing could prepare Castiel when Gabriel ask if it was normal for their stepdad to bathe and touch him. "And the only reason l took this job was because he has pictures of me laying on his bedroom tied up,  he's blackmailing me." Dean was crying hard, his eyes puffy and body shaking. Both tried to frantically clam each other but they end up a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor. 

 

When Castiel picked himself off the ground, he lifted Dean up, almost carry him back to bed. As Castiel moves closer to Dean, pulling the covers up to their shoulders. Bodies close and warm, Castiel watched as Dean drifting in and out of sleep, his eye less puffy, just pink and a little bloodshot. He watched Dean sleep until the sun peeked through the window, the beams flowed through Dean's messy hair, making to look golden. His eyes flutter open, still pink from last night. 

"I'm so sorry about last night, l shouldn't have told you because l know you are going through a lot right now so again l'm sorry." Dean ran his finger through his own hair, smoothing the crazy strands. 

"Something about what l'm going to say is going to self-conceited but l'm trying to make you, at least, feel better, l guess." Castiel took a quick breath as a tear sliped down his face.  "My stepdad  made me want to die but that not the only thing that pushed me over the edge, years before-" He puased, pulling his body up as small as posilble. Tears push over his eyes, down his face. "H-he would rape me, his MO was tying me up, and gaging but when l refused, he'd beat me, kicking and punching me. If i were to refuse after that then he would get his belts, knives, a lighter, or a baseball bat. In the end, he was out to kill me." He swollowed hard then continued. "I think he got off more when I would fight back, then when I would lay there and take it. I knew if I were to kill myself that DCFS would look in to his care then Gabe would be safe and so would I, and they did took him away and put us in Ana's care but before this I knew she existed. I don't think the first time you meet a person shouldn't recovering from something like a suicide attempt." Dean was crying now, his knees pulled into his chest. Castiel wanted to tell him everything but his head was a mess so he couldn't think of anything more to say but he just paused letting his mind process somethings. 

 

With nothing to do at the cabin, Dean took Castiel back to warehouse to resume the project they started weeks ago. A radio cover in plastic and dried plater marks playes a pop like alternative song. Dean in a over sized t-shirt and lose fitting jeans, Castiel in a longsleeve grey shirt with the sleeves rolled up and fitted jeans, they begain by prying the tops off the paint cans, with thick brushes, dipping them in equally thick paint. Arms back and with a hard thrusts paint flung off their brush and on to the walls. The more colour they mixed the happier the art seemed layer after layer, even though some colours got covered, others became darker or a brown-ish colour. The paint ran down the walls, some ligher colours peeked behide the darker ones. Hours pasted and the whole wall covered in paint along with their dominant hands and various plats on their clothes the last few swings that Castiel took he saw Dean watching him as he flung the paint, licking his lips as the blonde haired man watching his tight, strong muscles move under the light grey fabric. 

Castiel dropped his paint brush on one of the lids, breathing was heavier than before, Dean followes after the smaller man. Castiel lays down watching the paint run down the wall, the taller man laid beside him, looking over. Dean moved over him, pushing their lips together. Breathing into each other mouths, Dean stadles him, Castiel licked at the other man's lips as he stripped his shirt. Clothes lay in paint as they continue to strip, slamming their lips together, sloppy and fast. Pulling away forheads resting on one others looking to each other's eyes pupils dediated because of the lust coursing through their bodies. Paint covered their pants follow in the same direction as their shirts but landed closer. 

"Wait," Castiel breathed into Dean's mouth. "there is lube and a condom in my jeans pocket." A small smirk appeared on his face; Dean leaned over Castiel's face as he reached for the pants, he felt a wet tongue lick up his chest, sucking on his nipple. When the cold air brushed against Dean's wet chest, he shivered, Pulling the condom and lube out of Castiel's jean's, moving back down, grinding his erection into Castiel's. After Dean placed the condom and lube by Castiel's shoulder, his breathing changed, eyes locked together.

''Cas, I trust you and I-I" his eye drifted away, Castiel's hand grazed across Dean's cheek pushing his face to look him back in the eyes. "I think I'm in love with you, no I know that I'm so helplessly in love with you and I want you to top." 

Shocked, Castiel pushed his hand to the nape of Dean's neck, kissing him hard, biting his lip. He rolled Dean pinning him in a puddle of paint, fingers interlaced "Yes," Castiel moans, "I love you and I would never want to push you into somethig you never want to do." 

Dean noddes with a small smile, letting Castiel know him wants this as just as much as he does. Castiel kisses down Dean's chest, pulling of his boxers, Dean's breathing changes but Castiel opens the small bottle, squirting some into his plam, coating his fingers. He finds Dean's hole, breeching him. 

"Tell me if this is to much," Castiel mimicked the way Dean opened him up that night, and just as Castiel's fingers brush over his prostate Dean's hand squeezed so hard it caused Cas to stop but Dean told Castiel to continue. Unwrapping the condom and rolling it on, pumping to spread the lube that was left on his hand, easing himself into Dean. Waiting until Dean was fully adjusted to his size.

"Move," Dean said in a guff voice, looking Castiel straight in the eyes and once Castiel obliated, Dean's eye fluttered shut, his mouth gapped, letting out a small moan. Quickly Dean started to pushed back meeting each thust, Castiel kissed his neck, nipping at his earlobe. Dean's moans began to grow louder but it not til Castiel wrapped his fist around Dean's twitching cock as soon as matching his speed that he screamed out Castiel's name as he came. Castiel's followed soon after. He pulled out, throwing the condom towards the bin. Laying next to him, staring at the wall like it was the first time he saw Dean. "Cas..," He held out his hand and that's when Castiel noticed that Dean's clock was stopped at one second as well. "that was amazing." He grabbed Dean's hand and kissed it.

They laid in the paint for awhile but sooner then later the paint started to dry and irritate their skin, they got dress in slightly damp clothes and went back to the cabin to shower. The car ride was full of quite rock music and lots of kisses on the back of the hand. Dean offered up the shower but Castiel just pulled him into the bathroom, undressed him and kissed him into the shower,starting at his lips, quickly moving to his neck, placing small kisses over the bruised spots then making new ones.  Warm water washed over them as the faucet hissed on,loosening up the paint. Castiel lathers his hands in soap, starting at the small of Dean's back in slow moving in gentle circles into his skin. The soap quickly turned in to colourful bubbles, lifting off the soap, letting the colours run over his body. A moan left the smaller man as Dean followed suit with the soap.

Quite kisses and few paint speckles amongst the constellations of freckles, water is running cold but Dean's body is radiating like the sun. He reached over and turned off the faucet, they stood there wrapped up in each other, dipping the last few soap suds and water. Dean wrapped the only towel in the bathroom around Castiel's shaking body, leading him back to the bedroom. Dean noticed that Castiel sometimes zones out, easing him to do something is the best way to 'wake' him without scaring him. 

Dean pulled out sweats, boxers, a t-shirt, along with a zip up, his voice was soft. "Cas, honey," Dean dried his arms, pulling hisown briefs. Castiel met Dean's gaze then started crying,  sinking to his knees. "shh shh, Cas, look at me. It's okay." Dean squatted next to him, holding out his hand, slowly reaching out for the other man's shoulder.  The towel dropped around his feet as Castiel sobbed into Dean's shirt. Once he stopped crying and sitting on the bed, he managed to wrap around his waist in the towel and a shirt on his back. "Cas?" Dean asked softly, he waited till Castiel bright blue eyes that greyed with sadness looked up. "Do you want to talk about what happened? If not, can you tell me what caused it so I don't do it again. The sad boy inhailed deeply.

 "I don't think I can do this," Dean maked a very confused face. Castiel went on. "Even if I'm alone or with you, he still crawls into my mind. You're letting me fall in love you with you and can me kill me with just a few words, 'it's over, Cas'." Dean noticed there was no more blue overtones in Castiel's eyes, only black. "You could kill me and get your money. All I can remember is him beating me over and over again with the metal end of his belts." a single tear ran down his cheek. Dean was taken back a little even though every time he would get beaten with the belt, he would say that he was special because he would only use the leather end. Dean's eyes burned as they threaten to spill over. "I was just happy if he didn't have he big buckle belt, I don't deserve this, having someone love me and care fore me. I should just be alone." His voice got quiter as he talked never breaking a whisper. Dean's tears spilled over.

"He used to say I was specal when he would beat me, Now I know way. He never hit me with the metal end but he wouls threaten it." Dean grabbed Castiel's hand, trying to make him feel better as he got dressed.  Cludding up in bed with Dean makes he so happy, his head push against a warm chest, driffing off into the univers. 

_" Where are we going?" Castiel asked as Dean picked a new tape._

_"The art wall isn't done."_

_"What do you mean I thought we finished it." Dean pulled up to the build instantly they were inside. The bright coloured wall was the only thing he could see, even the colours twisted something that felt so evil. Castiel saw Dean pull out something. He turned to look then he was met with a shiney silver barrel and pearl gripped colt held by Dean, he knew this was coming. Dry mouth and skaking hands he asks._

_"How does it feel? Does it make you feel big?" Castiel knew he was a goner, it didn't matter if he anwsered or not ._

_"I cannot lie," a devilish grin_ _and yellow eyes a_ _ppeared that looked all to familiar, There is a tingling down my spine." little things changed about his face, nose got longer, eyebrows changed shade and shape, his hair became thinner looking. This isn't Dean. It's his Demonic stepfather Ear piercing screech, Castiel screamed. Ruby red brains exploded all over the now soft coloured wall._  

Castiel shot up gasping for air, grasping anything that he can cling on to. That's why he had so many pillows on his bed. Dean wasn't there, he didn't know how much he relied on him. His knuckles turning white after minutes holding on to the sheets. His lungs ache from the lack of air, springing to his feet looking for Dean. Standing in the middle of the kitchen making pancakes for when Castiel woke up, after taking the last flapjack off the pan and turning off the stove. Warm arms wrap around Castiel, rubbing his back to clam him down. 

Dean wasn't prepared for what Castiel told him, sure he knew his baby boy has nightmares, he just never knew they were this bad.  Castiel didn't see him most of the day but texted frequently through out. When Dean got back later that night he seemed worked up but he soften around Castiel.

"You're safe," Dean wrapped his arms around the smaller man, Castiel could hear a thousand horses running in his chest. They stayed like that until Dean's heart was racing. "He can never get you again." Dean whispered, Castiel couldn't question it. And he didn't care. Not at this moment. 


End file.
